It’s been a while since my last post! Like I mentioned in my last post, July is an awfully busy time for me so I tend to stay away from the computer as a result.
A lot has changed recently and I have been on a roll these past couple of weeks.
I started really “dieting” about a month ago. At the time, I was still binge eating and had just moved from a pretty toxic household. I’m not sure if it was the layout of the house, the pantry having no door and therefore subconsciously led me to eat more, or perhaps the stress of living with my mother-in-law, but I couldn’t stop binge eating or having constant panic attacks.
Honestly, my mother-in-law isn’t terrible, but she kind of made things more stressful between me and my husband simply because if one of us was mad at him, we would talk about it and then both of us would end up being mad at him! She was also constantly frustrated with us about the small things that right now I could honestly care less about. We also were very similar to each other and we were both dominant people, so that also caused issues.
As part of binge eating disorder, or any mental/eating disorder, the more stress there is, the more one exhibits their symptoms harsher and more frequently. I have the wonderful, dynamic trio of disorders: Binge-Eating Disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. Basically, when I am constantly overwhelmed or in a toxic environment, my symptoms get so bad I can barely get out of bed let alone go to school and work. I missed a lot of work and school days because of this and thankfully I was able to switch jobs and also stay in school. I barely passed last semester, but I am retaking the courses that I nearly failed just to get my GPA higher.
With all of that in mind, I moved back into my dad’s house and things have gotten better exponentially. I have concluded that while I care deeply for my mother-in-law, it would probably be best if we just lived in separate quarters all together, or at the very least, on separate floors. I honestly think at this point, my husband and I need to get out of this hole we are in and get our own place. Once his child support payments go down, we should be able to use that extra money to afford the place. My husband basically pays what would have been our rent to see his son every other Saturday from 11-2:30pm. If you do the math, that’s 7 hrs a month and we are currently paying $600 a month. Did I mention my husband and I only make $1600 a month? Throw in gas, $150 a month, car insurance: $200 a month, $200 in rent, $100 in phone bills, and the rest has to go for food for the entire month. With child support, that adds up to $1250 with $350 left for anything else we might need.
Luckily, in the next few weeks it will be dropped from $150 to $100, but that’s still $400 a month. My husband loves his son and would do anything for him. We have tried planning family events because as long as the mother is involved/there, my husband can see him longer or on different days, but to no avail. Lately, she hasn’t been replying to either of us about it and I’m starting to think we might have to go to court once again just so that he can just see his son!
It’s a lot more complicated than that to be honest, but the terrible part about it is that my husband has made every effort and step to see his son and he just always seems to get thwarted by our wonderful family courts as well as the mother. So much for love.
Otherwise, we got to see his son last Saturday and he FINALLY got to come to our house. He loved seeing all the animals we have and he played Star Wars: Battlefront on my PS4. My husband, Casey, also taught him how to play pool! His son seemed to like it and they both had fun chasing each other around in my backyard. It’s heartwarming seeing him as a father and it’s one of the reasons why I married him.
His son also loved playing with my niece’s Power Wheel Jeep, so maybe for Christmas we might get him a dirt bike or something to that effect. He’s nine years old and he has one at his mother’s house anyways, so it seems like a possibly at least. At the end of the visit, his son got visibly upset. I don’t know why but I had a strange feeling about it. When we picked him up earlier that day, his “aunt” (step-father’s sister-in-law) remarked how he was misbehaving. She seemed really upset and annoyed, but when he was with us he behaved perfectly. He usually behaves around us and even before Casey got limited time with his son, his son always listened to him. Either way, he was upset to be home again and Casey hated seeing him upset like that.
We get him again this Saturday so maybe we will take him out somewhere nice and cheer him up!
Earlier this month, on July 7th, I heard about the new Pokemon Go app. Yes, of course I downloaded it! I was born and raised in the 90’s and I still remember getting my first Gameboy! I seriously need to go get one, but at least I have the app for now. I have to say, this is what started all of my new walking habits. It makes walking so much more fun and while I am currently on my last 25% of my data, I have caught and hatched a ton of Pokemon as well as taken gyms from other players. I won’t reveal what team I’m on, but I’ll say I’m at least on team Harmony!
I also have a Fitbit and for a while, I wasn’t even getting my normal 10,000 steps. I would go to the gym but it;’s honestly a hassle to travel an hour each way via the public bus system. instead, I have decided to walk to and from work as well as ensure I get my 15-20,000 steps. Sometimes it takes a little incentive, like getting my Small Iced Macchiato with French vanilla swirl and skim milk from Dunkin Donuts, (you’d be surprised what one would do to have good coffee when you’re stuck with “coffee water”). To be fair, I have always drank my coffee black and now I have fallen in love with espresso drinks! I can’t even drink regular iced coffee anymore, but I never really liked it to begin with. If I drink regular coffee, I drink it black just because I can’t stand the taste of sugar or cream in my coffee. Depending on the strength of the coffee, it already tastes watered down without adding cream or sugar to it. In my defense, I have been drinking my coffee black since I was 16 and have become accustomed to the taste of coffee.
Due to the added exercise every day, I can safely say that I have lost 10lbs! It’s been such a long time since those numbers on the scale ticked down that I am practically enamored with my progress! I will keep up the good work and I might make a weight loss widget for my side bar
I will be writing another post in a few days, but this is all for now!
Have a great week!